blech

unhindered abiding that is the potential and restful pursuit of this year. i don't know how to do it, achieve it, wait for it, or beckon it's possibility.
but i crave it and long for it - freedom. rest. peace. with myself. the kind of peace that has accepted the reality and received what has already been offered.

this is not simple for me.
i wrestle to rest. and i wrestle and analyze my way through my own actions and circumstances. i play out a plethora of "shoulda coulda woulda's" and it is lame. i am not excited about this. i ponder, what is biblical womanhood? what is the risk? what is the reward? where do i end and Christ begin? when? why? how much longer will i wait? will you speak more loudly, jesus? why did i hide again? what is THAT that is rising up in me?

but i am redeemed and restored.
i am spiritually perfect and seated with Christ in the heavenlies.
i have been sealed in. and i am in christ.
that is truth. no matter the blech-feelings that are stirred here.....

Ephesians 1:3 (Amplified Bible)

May blessing (praise, laudation, and eulogy) be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) Who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual (given by the Holy Spirit) blessing in the heavenly realm!

Ephesians 1:13 (Amplified Bible)

In Him you also who have heard the Word of Truth, the glad tidings (Gospel) of your salvation, and have believed in and adhered to and relied on Him, were stamped with the seal of the long-promised Holy Spirit.

Colossians 1:27 (New International Version, ©2011)

To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.