"Should" is a loaded word

It's true that I have an affinity to words - I hear them, pay attention to them, deliberately want to use varied words in sentences, or deliberately want to avoid hearing some words ever. I think I have always been this way, I don't know. I just love words. Truly.

Recently, I was thinking about the word, "should." Does that word creep into your vocabulary like it does mine? I am consistently feeling or thinking I "should" do something:
"I really should work out."
"Eh, I probably shouldn't stick my finger in the light socket"
"I should definitely get a Pumpkin Spice Latte today."
"I shouldn't have said that..."
"I shouldn't have done that..."
"I shouldn't have thought that..."

I just looked "should" up with my dictionary.com app on my iPod touch (aahhh, technology) ...Should is an auxiliary verb, and is used to express condition, to indicate duty, or to make a statement less direct or blunt.

Yup, that's how I use "should" -
I frame things up to think, "well, yeah, if I were to stop driving briskly, I should be pleased with myself"
"I should go to church"
"I really should get up early and pray"
"I should think that you're looking lovely today Mrs. Robinson"

Trouble is, most of my "should" statements are directed at my own self and often with a twinge of disparagement about something I did or shouldn't have done. When I direct them with my own self as the target, I often allow myself to be the authority on that particular matter.
Stick with me here...By saying, "I should've gone to the gym today," I am softly condemning myself for not doing what would have been wise. And I am also speaking as if I am the true authority of right and wrong within my own context.

The issue here is that, as a Christian, I don't have authority over my own life. God does. And as a Christian, I don't have to live in fear of defeat or condemnation - "There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). The battle over my heart, thoughts, words, and position has already been declared VICTORIOUS. TRIUMPHANT. MAGNIFICENT. SENSATIONAL.

"Should" is a loaded word. The weight of it's implications are no longer mine. I should stop using the word should.

Just for the record, the word of the day is: assiduous.