i have been pretty overwhelmed with anxiety lately. and while anxiety is typical of my past experience, i don't believe this phase is the normal kind i have worked through before. i do believe there is some toxins and some darkness being yanked out. and it hurts. it's so hard. so hard.
this morning when i went to our touch team huddle at church, i found myself inhaling and exhaling revelation, with 'glistening' eyes... "And if God doesn't..." the leader said as she shared.
"God will protect, defend, and make Himself Known here, and if he doesn't..." She was reading from Daniel 3.
What struck me in that moment was the worst case scenario things that I have pictured in my head, aren't really the worst case scenario "If God doesn't."
The worst case scenario is the darkness and plight of the personality of the enemy.
The worst case scenario is not rejection from man. The worst case scenario is not letting someone down in a big way. The worst case scenario is not my assumption or idea of how something might turn out. No!
God is Stable. God is Secure. He is the One who Announces The Foundation of My heart and my life. And if He is Beloved to Me and I to Him....He is with me, for me, and around me at all times. The worst case scenario "if god doesn't" are not things Man can do to me. i cannot fall out of the palm of God's hand, nor wrestle my way away from His Presence.
This is a big deal to me lately, the anxiety around me - and IRRATIONAL it is - is speaking to me about inadequacy and insufficiency and insignificance....about the fear of disappointment, lack, dread...ick. ick, i say.
I find that on the heels of change and in the midst of transition, my thoughts whirl. I don't really know what is upcoming...I mean, what has happened is:
Starbucks and about to wrap up my classes through GMI...but future. I
don't know. And this phase and season of life with the revelation, clarity, and FABULOUS freedom (thanks to a year of deep intimacy with The Counselor)...I should not be surprised.
Which is another solid reminder that His Voice is the One to listen to.
The message in church today was John 7 - and I read so much in there about judgment (don't do it - don't question or assume motives, that is judgment!!!), living on purpose and intentionality, and Life from the Source. Source is what I am after. Not me as the Source, not self or others as the definition of what is obedience, what is wisdom, what is expected, what is right or wrong. Source. (YES, we each play a role in each others stories and they matter...)
I am in Obedience for Today with my gorgeously intimate Savior and His Voice. I am pursuing the next right choice.
Even in the midst of this anxiety and the tension it brings. I know He is good. I know He is true. I know He is Source and Foundation.
2 Corinthians 5: 1-10 (ESV)
Our Heavenly Dwelling
"For we know that if(A) the tent that is(B) our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God,(C) a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2For in this tent(D) we groan, longing to(E) put on our heavenly dwelling, 3if indeed by putting it on[a] we may not be found naked. 4For
while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we
would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what
is mortal(F) may be swallowed up by life. 5He who has prepared us for this very thing is God,(G) who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
6So we are always of good courage. We know that(H) while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, 7for(I) we walk by faith, not(J) by sight. 8Yes, we are of good courage, and we(K) would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to(L) please him. 10For(M) we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ,(N) so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil."
Daniel 3: 16-18 (NIV)
The Image of Gold and the Blazing Furnace
"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we
do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[c] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18
But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we
will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
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