Hebrews 11:1

I am slightly thrown for a loop: Krista told me today that I sound different. I am not concerned, but that someone who knows me so well (and who lived with me during my "dark ages") can tell over the phone that something is different about me, causes me to reflect a bit. As if I hadn't been thinking a lot already. :) 

What I am starting to decipher about my thinking process is that all of the things that most of us work to control and trust as stability are now gone from my life: 

1) a job with a salary and benefits

   1a) where I knew how to do the work

   1b) where I was able to measure my progress

   1c) where my resume was getting a work out

2) an apartment of my own

3) the things I love (scarves, purses, and shoes) aren't as exciting for me.

4) Purpose and calling and vision were so clear - now, it's grey. What is God's will and plan for my life???  Still figuring that out.

I am living in the guest room of people I adore, for now. And my job(s) invite spit up, diaper rash, CARS voices, and cutting up food into small bites. I AM NOT ASHAMED - I love kids. But it is such a far cry from what I have been doing. I am starting to truly see the light that this phase can definitely be a time of reflection and growth for God and I - because I think I have margin in my life. Mental margin, emotional margin, and physical margin.....space to allow God in and allow him to shape and define what life is really about and how I am really called to live.

I GET TO live by faith each day. I have never been this challenged to live with full trust in God. If God doesn't show up, the bills won't get paid and I will have missed the point of it all. 

I keep saying it, but I am praying through the purpose and goal of my pilgrimage with God. I have signed up for a small group @ Browns Bridge. I have started to formulate the approach I want with God: true identity in Christ. 

Hebrews 11:1