^^ jacob wrestles with god ^^

Genesis 32:22-32 (New Living Translation)

Jacob Wrestles with God

²² During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two servant wives, and his eleven sons and crossed the Jabbok River with them. ²³ After taking them to the other side, he sent over all his possessions.

²⁴ This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. ²⁵ When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!”

But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ “What is your name?” the man asked.

He replied, “Jacob.”

²⁸ “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel,^[a] because you have fought with God and with men and have won.”

²⁹ “Please tell me your name,” Jacob said.

“Why do you want to know my name?” the man replied. Then he blessed Jacob there.

³⁰ Jacob named the place Peniel (which means “face of God”), for he said, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been spared.” ^31[b] and he was limping because of the injury to his hip. ³² (Even today the people of Israel don’t eat the tendon near the hip socket because of what happened that night when the man strained the tendon of Jacob’s hip.) The sun was rising as Jacob left Peniel,

Footnotes:

1. Genesis 32:28 Jacob sounds like the Hebrew words for “heel” and “deceiver.” Israel means “God fights.”
2. Genesis 32:31 Hebrew Penuel, a variant spelling of Peniel.

Hosea 12:4 (New Living Translation) "Yes, he wrestled with the angel and won. He wept and pleaded for a blessing from him. There at Bethel he met God face to face, and God spoke to him—"

i am so curious about this wrestling with god. this typhoon phase of questions and learning and ideas. it might just also be wrestling.

"Jacob was now full of care and fear about the interview he expected, next day, with his brother, and, to aggravate the trial, God himself seemed to come forth against him as an enemy, to oppose his entrance into the land of promise, and to dispute the pass with him, not suffering him to follow his wives and children whom he had sent before. Note, Strong believers must expect divers[e] temptations, and strong ones. We are told by the prophet (Hos. 12:4) how Jacob wrestled: he wept, and made supplication; prayers and tears were his weapons. It was not only a corporal, but a spiritual, wrestling, by the vigorous actings of faith and holy desire; and thus all the spiritual seed of Jacob, that pray in praying, still wrestle with God. II. What was the success of the engagement. 1. Jacob kept his ground; though the struggle continued long, the angel, prevailed not against him (v. 25), that is, this discouragement did not shake his faith, nor silence his prayer. It was not in his own strength that he wrestled, nor by his own strength that he prevailed, but in and by strength derived from Heaven....
And this use we may still make of it, to acknowledge the mercy of God, and our obligations to Jesus Christ, that we may now keep up our communion with God, in faith, hope, and love, without peril either of life or limb."

-- or said another way again --

"However tried or discouraged, we shall prevail; and prevailing with Him in prayer, we shall prevail against all enemies that strive with us. Nothing requires more vigour and unceasing exertion than wrestling. It is an emblem of the true spirit of faith and prayer. Jacob kept his ground; though the struggle continued long, this did not shake his faith, nor silence his prayer. He will have a blessing, and had rather have all his bone put out of joint than go away without one. Those who would have the blessing of Christ, must resolve to take no denial. The fervent prayer is the effectual prayer. "

(these are direct quotes listed in the Matthew Henry Commentary, found on searchgodsword.org)

perseverance. perseverance through prayer. faith tested and victorious. belief pursued. intimacy fought for.

yes please, though i gotta say, this wrestling is getting tiring. some days and many moments, i am not sure how to have the energy to have belief, to walk out, and receive the gentle pruning of my god. some days that is very difficult.

it's not that i don't believe he is here, he has me, or he created me.
NO, i believe that. the struggle to believe is that he'd pursue me, that he'd want me, or that he'd place me in positions with others and they'd desire to include me. that's what i don't get. i am struggling to believe these days that he actually has a calling. a 'thing' he wants me to put my hands to because this world needs it. i am feeling to fickle and tired and like there are just too many others who can do 'it' better. i will praise god that he is providing revelation onto the patterns of flesh. so i can allow light to be shed on them. it's good. it's god.

i am wrestling. and it's not so pretty.
i know that i know that i know the truth.
it's experiencing it and living out of it that is stuck in some areas right now.

mother teresa said, "when i don't sense god's presence, i will have faith and i will love him like i have never loved him before."
betsey ten boom said, "there is no pit too deep that god isn't deeper still"

this typhoon isn't permanent. it's a season. another season with a fabulous god.
he is real. and he is faithful. i have seen it and i know it.
so i will pray prayers like jacob. even when i cannot pray and the spirit of god intercedes for me. i will have faith.
i will not let the wrestling discourage me.
god is here and i have been anointed by the divine touch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLLMzr3PFgk