whole or hole

Romans 8:38-39 (AMP) "For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

just the other day, i reminisced that it had been ONE YEAR since I started my discipleship counseling training. What a year! WHAT a year...a year of looking in the mirror, letting what's on the inside be on the outside, allowing hurts to hurt, battling through lonely thoughts and isolated moments, but no difficulty could replace the joy and fullness I have in Christ because of our Journey this year. I am the most whole I have ever been.
I am reminded that I did become whole when I died to myself and Christ began to live within me (Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 5:17). It is another example of both/and ... the eternity that begins now and but the groaning until full fruition comes into expression (Romans 8:25).

But when I think of me being whole, as I am now, I think of the fact that I am free to love from a healed and whole part of my heart than out of a hole in my heart. I have walked through healing (gone into it and through it, not gotten over it)
     ...healing of the things that caused me shame,
     ...healing from the sinful ways my mind thought thoughts: fear, assumption, control, negative pride, 
     ...healing of how i viewed God and his truths about His world and His people, 
     ...healing of the self-judgment and self-loathing,
     ...healing into grace space (where I am okay being me and not managing what of me i give away, or what of me i let you see), and
     ...healing in the area of trusting me and all of me to the Lord  and not managing consequences (abraham and isaac keep coming to me).
Has this been easy? Have I been protected by "ease" lately? No, not so much...some of the most intense wrestling and surrender and agonizing conversations of my life up to this point have occurred recently. But would I replace the difficulty with ease? No, because I rejoice in a wholeness and fullness like I have never before had revelation of.

God is just that good. He is just....sooo much more fabulous and worthy and glorious and astonishing and winsome and handsome and friend and covering.... He is God.

http://vimeo.com/25660722

Psalm 65:1 (AMP) "TO YOU belongs silence (the submissive wonder of reverence which bursts forth into praise) and praise is due and fitting to You, O God, in Zion; and to You shall the vow be performed."

John 15:5 (ESV) "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."

Galatians 6:7-8 (ESV) "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life." 

John 1:16 (ESV) "For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace."